The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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