the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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