In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
