I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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