The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
