Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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