I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
