i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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