just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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