theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
