My balls are so social today.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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