im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
