she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
