I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
