if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
