I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Even my vagina gasped.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
