what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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