I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
