No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
BRING THE BAGELS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
