I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
