The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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