I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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