now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
