I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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