As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
