I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
