I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
