Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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