he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
