I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
