he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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