Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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