I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
