Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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