its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
