I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
