I'm gonna have a badass scar
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
