think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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