don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
