this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
