I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
