So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
