Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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