I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
