You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drake has all the answers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
