Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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