if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I skipped work to stalk him.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
