I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
