we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she smelled like a LAN party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
