Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
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I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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