So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my liver is dry heaving
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
