I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Randomize
