He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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