In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
