my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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