Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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