I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
