if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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