mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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