I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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