My room smells like vodka and shame
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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