she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
