Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
