I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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