I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
