Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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