She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
