I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
