my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
