I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
