I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
