Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
