There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
