Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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