So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
