census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
