i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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