Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
